I went to see a play the other night. It was for an assignment so I went alone so that wouldn't have someone distracting me or influencing my reaction to the play. The play was "The Elephant Man", and incredible play. Definitely not a "feel-good" show though. It's very jarring and causes you to take a look at yourself and the world you're living in.
I discovered in seeing this play that it is possible to like something without enjoying it. Enjoying something implies that it was pleasurable or left you happier than you were before. That's not what this play did, but it did intrigue me and it's a brilliant play. My friend compared it to scary movies, no one "enjoys" them per se, but many people do like them. I am not one of those people but the comparison still stands.
Half way through the play the fire alarm went off. Everyone sat there for awhile. The actors, still trying to maintain "the illusion" and stay in character kept going through with their lines for a bit. No one knew what to do. We're trained to get sucked into the plays we see. We were all waiting for someone to tell us, "yes the illusion is dead, go back to the real world where the building you are currently in might be on fire" Just then someone came on the over head speakers and basically said just that. We still didn't believe that. We just sat there looking at each other, "are we supposed to leave" " I don't know" Until an usher came in and started herding us out.
Theater and film require something from their audience called "willing suspension of disbelief" meaning: of course you know there's no such thing as magic and no, people never randomly start singing about their feelings in real life but you don't need to think about reality anymore. You're in the theater where everything is possible and things don't need to be a perfectly crafted deception for you to believe in them momentarily.
Perhaps in having that willing suspension of disbelief in the theater we inversely had willing suspension of belief in reality. I wonder what contributes more to the enjoyment of theater, entering into an unbelievable and new world, or leaving behind reality. Do we love dreams or do we just hate reality? I like to believe the former because I'd rather be an optimist and reality has been pretty good to me lately.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Preying on my Weakness
I invite you with my weakness,
to impose your will upon me.
You are stronger
than I can withstand.
We play your game
of analyzing and defining --
a realm in which you can
listen so close,
making me believe that you care
what I know and feel and am.
But you understand just enough
to twist my words
to mean the opposite
of what I feel.
You make me think
that I'm happy
that I lost,
So complete is your victory
No more.
I'll live my life now.
Play your game
by yourself.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
You had to be there....
"What did we learn today Jessica?"
"That I'm fat?
"No we already knew that. What do we do with fat people?"
"We punch them."
We all have them, those "you had to be there" stories. And inside jokes. The worst part is when the perfect opportunity comes along to use the inside joke in an hilarious way and no one gets it because none of the people who are on the inside of the inside joke are present and you have to lamely explain why it's funny and that never makes it better. Sometimes if you try to explain the joke they might stop thinking you're insane but then again, sometimes that just makes it worse. Lame.
On the other side of the spectrum, when you're the only one in the group who doesn't get the inside joke and you feel like or a loser. The funny thing is we all know how funny and wonderful inside jokes are and yet.... when other people are obviously sharing an inside joke that you don't understand you unavoidably think, "I'm surrounded by idiots"
Speaking of movie quotes, I've decided that movie/tv shows are public private jokes (yes I know that I have been calling them "inside" jokes not "private" jokes but "public inside jokes" just doesn't sound as paradoxical. And paradoxes, they make life more colorful.) But think of it! movie quotes are just like a private joke you share with your friends only with the added risk of not always knowing who those friends are! On the one hand you could be in a group of people who have never seen that show that you're quoting and then they will look at you like you're an idiot, or they know that show and love it but don't love it as much as you do obviously because they don't know that quote and then they feel like idiots, or only a part of the group knows it in which case each half of the group will think that the other half are idiots!
Idiot is not a very nice word, perhaps we can just call them "you uncultured swine!" Now go back and replace every "idiot" in the last paragraph with "you uncultured swine!" no, I will not edit it myself, (what do you think I am someone who just edits my paragraphs?")
Sometimes inside jokes die. There's never a funeral, and you never know when it happens because inside jokes only die when you forget them. It's kind of like "the game" you can't think about it or you lose. (mwahahaha!) Only it's the other way around, if you try to have a moment of silence for an inside joke that has passed on....you win! because it's not dead at all! It lives in you.............. . I wonder though, how many inside jokes have died without me noticing. A dead inside joke is the sign of a group of friends that no longer exists. At least not in the same form. I have been in groups of friends that later became some-people-who-occasionally-check-up-on-each-other. It's a graveyard for inside jokes.
I think in the end inside jokes are a sign of love. Inside jokes take time spent together, respect, comfort, and affection. Which are all things that spell love.
On another note why does the English language only have one word for love? There are so many different kinds of love! They are so different too! You say, " I love you" to your brother and then you say "I love you" to the one you love (not literally to him, you just direct it to him but actually he can't hear you because he's far away and isn't ready to know that you love him anyway so you just put it out there in the universe and hope that someday you can actually say it to him) and they mean two totally different things.
Maybe language itself is just one big inside joke that you can only understand if "you were there." The words we use never mean what the dictionary says they mean. They mean whatever we think they mean. Words have memories, and connotations, and connections attached to them. Sometimes though you find someone and you make all the same memories and draw all the same connections, all words have the same connotations and you understand each other because you are actually speaking the same language. That's love --when you can say "love" and it means the same thing to both of you. Sometimes you don't even have to say it out loud.
"That I'm fat?
"No we already knew that. What do we do with fat people?"
"We punch them."
We all have them, those "you had to be there" stories. And inside jokes. The worst part is when the perfect opportunity comes along to use the inside joke in an hilarious way and no one gets it because none of the people who are on the inside of the inside joke are present and you have to lamely explain why it's funny and that never makes it better. Sometimes if you try to explain the joke they might stop thinking you're insane but then again, sometimes that just makes it worse. Lame.
On the other side of the spectrum, when you're the only one in the group who doesn't get the inside joke and you feel like or a loser. The funny thing is we all know how funny and wonderful inside jokes are and yet.... when other people are obviously sharing an inside joke that you don't understand you unavoidably think, "I'm surrounded by idiots"
Speaking of movie quotes, I've decided that movie/tv shows are public private jokes (yes I know that I have been calling them "inside" jokes not "private" jokes but "public inside jokes" just doesn't sound as paradoxical. And paradoxes, they make life more colorful.) But think of it! movie quotes are just like a private joke you share with your friends only with the added risk of not always knowing who those friends are! On the one hand you could be in a group of people who have never seen that show that you're quoting and then they will look at you like you're an idiot, or they know that show and love it but don't love it as much as you do obviously because they don't know that quote and then they feel like idiots, or only a part of the group knows it in which case each half of the group will think that the other half are idiots!
Idiot is not a very nice word, perhaps we can just call them "you uncultured swine!" Now go back and replace every "idiot" in the last paragraph with "you uncultured swine!" no, I will not edit it myself, (what do you think I am someone who just edits my paragraphs?")
Sometimes inside jokes die. There's never a funeral, and you never know when it happens because inside jokes only die when you forget them. It's kind of like "the game" you can't think about it or you lose. (mwahahaha!) Only it's the other way around, if you try to have a moment of silence for an inside joke that has passed on....you win! because it's not dead at all! It lives in you.............. . I wonder though, how many inside jokes have died without me noticing. A dead inside joke is the sign of a group of friends that no longer exists. At least not in the same form. I have been in groups of friends that later became some-people-who-occasionally-check-up-on-each-other. It's a graveyard for inside jokes.
I think in the end inside jokes are a sign of love. Inside jokes take time spent together, respect, comfort, and affection. Which are all things that spell love.
On another note why does the English language only have one word for love? There are so many different kinds of love! They are so different too! You say, " I love you" to your brother and then you say "I love you" to the one you love (not literally to him, you just direct it to him but actually he can't hear you because he's far away and isn't ready to know that you love him anyway so you just put it out there in the universe and hope that someday you can actually say it to him) and they mean two totally different things.
Maybe language itself is just one big inside joke that you can only understand if "you were there." The words we use never mean what the dictionary says they mean. They mean whatever we think they mean. Words have memories, and connotations, and connections attached to them. Sometimes though you find someone and you make all the same memories and draw all the same connections, all words have the same connotations and you understand each other because you are actually speaking the same language. That's love --when you can say "love" and it means the same thing to both of you. Sometimes you don't even have to say it out loud.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Dive
It's Thursday night! Which means it's time for The Office! right? uh...nope. My friend Kevin and his band played tonight at a concert with some other local bands. I love my friend Kevin very much so I skipped watching The Office to see him play (it helps that I know it will be on Hulu tomorrow so it really wasn't that much of a sacrifice. shhh! don't tell Kevin!) Anywho. The venue was this total dive -and the word "dive" isn't even really in my working vocab! But there is no other way to describe it so "dive", you have now been inducted into my hall of words that are in my working vocabulary. Welcome.
So this place is "flippin awesome!" parts of the wall are brick and the next section is wood, and then there's the remains of an old, peeling Pepsi ad on one wall. Next to that they've got a floor rug hung up. On the ceiling they've got chandeliers, a disco ball, and a small horse presumably stolen from a carousel (?) Oh and there are stain glassed windows on either side of the stage and a small little booth with a couch in it that you can rent for $20 and be a VIP. (are me and my girls planning on doing just that sometime in the future? you betcha.)
Then out come these two girls; one is white and bald and the other is black and not bald. The former was the singer and the latter was the keyboard player (is there any real core difference between a keyboard player and a pianist? Because pianist is much shorter(I like parentheses(if you didn't notice))) So with the general atmosphere I'm getting ready to rock out. Right? These girls were very talented but they weren't rockers. The one girl, Jenna, had a beautiful voice. Her first song was a cover and she told us after she sang it that it was of a Jonas Brothers song. Which really surprised me because it was a beautiful song! Now I'm really wishing I knew how to find a recording of her version because no way is the original as good as that.
After the girls did a few more quiet but beautiful inspirational songs, KEVIN'S BAND came on. And then we started rocking. Kevin's band includes a lead guitarist/singer, a bassist (Kevin), a keyboard player, and wait for it..... a tambourine player girl! (or whatever you call 'em) Kevin's band had music much more venue-appropriate and we really enjoyed ourselves: getting all up close and pretending we were groupies (by "we" I mean me, it's the royal 'we'. ha, just kidding. I mean Chanel, whom I brought with me, and me.) Kevin switched instruments with the tambourine girl for one song and he had a tambourine solo. Go Kevin!
Have you ever been somewhere where they are playing music really loud and you feel the beat reverberate in your chest? Ya... I love that feeling. It's so cool! It's like you're alive...in a different way.... than usual.... anyways. Kevin's band didn't have a drummer (it's ok though because a tambourine is more unique and therefore of equal coolness) But the next band did! I loved the next band!! I think I'm in love with their keyboard player. Problem with that is his name's Jesse. My name's Jessica. I don't know if that makes it cute or just dumb. ("So this is my friend, Jess, and his girl, Jess." I never go by Jess and he probably doesn't either but still! it's a concern.)
Driving home afterwards, I thought I'd be tricky and use a side street to cut through to the street Chanel lives on. Surprise! Chanel's street is all curvy and therefore doesn't line up with side streets like you might think it should. Therefore we were at an intersection trying to get back to the first street we were on and go the usual way when BAM! a crash happened right in front of us. Yes, that is a first for me. No, no one died, or even got hurt that I could tell. Yes, we did have to take an even more round-about way to get back home.
When I dropped Chanel off at her dorm her parting words for the evening were "If you ever need someone to roll down a hill with, you can call me." I love Chanel.
So this place is "flippin awesome!" parts of the wall are brick and the next section is wood, and then there's the remains of an old, peeling Pepsi ad on one wall. Next to that they've got a floor rug hung up. On the ceiling they've got chandeliers, a disco ball, and a small horse presumably stolen from a carousel (?) Oh and there are stain glassed windows on either side of the stage and a small little booth with a couch in it that you can rent for $20 and be a VIP. (are me and my girls planning on doing just that sometime in the future? you betcha.)
Then out come these two girls; one is white and bald and the other is black and not bald. The former was the singer and the latter was the keyboard player (is there any real core difference between a keyboard player and a pianist? Because pianist is much shorter(I like parentheses(if you didn't notice))) So with the general atmosphere I'm getting ready to rock out. Right? These girls were very talented but they weren't rockers. The one girl, Jenna, had a beautiful voice. Her first song was a cover and she told us after she sang it that it was of a Jonas Brothers song. Which really surprised me because it was a beautiful song! Now I'm really wishing I knew how to find a recording of her version because no way is the original as good as that.
After the girls did a few more quiet but beautiful inspirational songs, KEVIN'S BAND came on. And then we started rocking. Kevin's band includes a lead guitarist/singer, a bassist (Kevin), a keyboard player, and wait for it..... a tambourine player girl! (or whatever you call 'em) Kevin's band had music much more venue-appropriate and we really enjoyed ourselves: getting all up close and pretending we were groupies (by "we" I mean me, it's the royal 'we'. ha, just kidding. I mean Chanel, whom I brought with me, and me.) Kevin switched instruments with the tambourine girl for one song and he had a tambourine solo. Go Kevin!
Have you ever been somewhere where they are playing music really loud and you feel the beat reverberate in your chest? Ya... I love that feeling. It's so cool! It's like you're alive...in a different way.... than usual.... anyways. Kevin's band didn't have a drummer (it's ok though because a tambourine is more unique and therefore of equal coolness) But the next band did! I loved the next band!! I think I'm in love with their keyboard player. Problem with that is his name's Jesse. My name's Jessica. I don't know if that makes it cute or just dumb. ("So this is my friend, Jess, and his girl, Jess." I never go by Jess and he probably doesn't either but still! it's a concern.)
Driving home afterwards, I thought I'd be tricky and use a side street to cut through to the street Chanel lives on. Surprise! Chanel's street is all curvy and therefore doesn't line up with side streets like you might think it should. Therefore we were at an intersection trying to get back to the first street we were on and go the usual way when BAM! a crash happened right in front of us. Yes, that is a first for me. No, no one died, or even got hurt that I could tell. Yes, we did have to take an even more round-about way to get back home.
When I dropped Chanel off at her dorm her parting words for the evening were "If you ever need someone to roll down a hill with, you can call me." I love Chanel.
The Fabric of Love
So to start of this blog (my first ever by the way) I'm going to share the poem I wrote after the experience that first inspired me to write a blog. It happened a few weeks ago; it was just a random highlight of my day and I thought, "I should totally start a blog where I can write about random things like this that just brighten my day." But I'd never blogged before. I had written a poem before though so that seemed less scary. So I wrote a poem. After a while of the blog idea sitting around in my brain I finally decided to give it a go. So now I am sharing my poem on a blog. (hehehehe, I'm so sneaky in how I'm approaching this from a more comfortable angle....)
The Fabric of Love
I used to not believe
in love at first sight;
then it happened to me
Once upon the other night.
I came to purchase a
dish rack for my dorm
and was just on my way
to check out and leave the store
when accross a short space
appeared my ideal,
possessing every grace.
"Please be mine." was my appeal.
Fireworks of color
filled my focused sight.
This love of mine was full,
yet it made my heart so light.
Walking quickly forward,
I hoped this love's
life would not be short.
It, I would possess!
Then we were face to face
I felt a caress
and full of lovesick haste,
swore that together we would be best.
I and that for which I pined
had come to that time:
It's just four, ninety-nine!
And so the scarf was mine.
Just a fun little poem that I enjoyed writing. Hope it made you laugh! And now you know the why behind the blog title. Stay tuned for more random highlights of my college life! (No my posts won't normally be poetry)
The Fabric of Love
I used to not believe
in love at first sight;
then it happened to me
Once upon the other night.
I came to purchase a
dish rack for my dorm
and was just on my way
to check out and leave the store
when accross a short space
appeared my ideal,
possessing every grace.
"Please be mine." was my appeal.
Fireworks of color
filled my focused sight.
This love of mine was full,
yet it made my heart so light.
Walking quickly forward,
I hoped this love's
life would not be short.
It, I would possess!
Then we were face to face
I felt a caress
and full of lovesick haste,
swore that together we would be best.
I and that for which I pined
had come to that time:
It's just four, ninety-nine!
And so the scarf was mine.
Just a fun little poem that I enjoyed writing. Hope it made you laugh! And now you know the why behind the blog title. Stay tuned for more random highlights of my college life! (No my posts won't normally be poetry)
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